Sunday, August 21, 2011

Gross Out

So....I had a really bad food weekend

Saturday was a bachlorette party for a friend. I told myself I wasn't going to worry about food because this is a special occasion.

All you can eat and drink taco and margarita bar.

went a little overboard on the margaritas.

Went way over my calorie goal by like 700 calories. But I rationalized myself out and told myself....dude....thats only 1/5 of a pound....and not even near what the daily calories it takes to maintain my current it's still weight loss, just....slower.

Not sure what happened, but I woke up this morning depressed as shit.

And I binge ate.

Ate a whole personal pan pizza from pizza hut, an order of garlic bread and an order of chocolate dunkers (but no chocolate sauce)

And I felt like shit the whole afternoon. Binge eating when depressed is part of what happened. However, I realized I didn't feel the comfort or satisfaction I used to. I just felt like yuk the rest of the day. And I think that was an important step.

We had BLTs and Salad for dinner, and I was really good. Like, I used to eat 2 or 3 BLTs with extra mayo and no L or T and still nom down another 3 or 4 slices of bacon.

I had 1. With only a little bit of maricle whip and lettuce. No tomato though, still not a huge tomato fan.

I did have 2 extra peices of bacon, but I shared them with my dog. She's my little weight loss buddy lol.

And I made sure to eat my salad first and drank a whole bottle of water, so that I would feel satiated with only only 1 BLT. And I had cantalope for dessert.

Now, usually when i tracked food in the past I always refused to enter the calories. Why? I don't know. Maybe I thought if the food tracker didn't see it then it didn't happen. Maybe I was too ashamed.

Well, not this time. I entered all the calories for yesterday, and everything for today. I was amazed to see though that I only went over today by like 100 calories. So I don't feel as bad....but I feel responsible. Typing in everything I ate made me ashamed of myself. And I think that accountability is good, this feeling terrible is good, and this feeling of having no pleasure in my binge eating is good.

On the crap side, I bought new bras this weekend, and though my band size went from a 56 to a cup size went from a D/DD to a C. CRAPWHATTHEHELL?!?!?!?!?! body is just doing all sorts of pissing me off, lol.

Though i did buy a workout T-Shirt and I'm going to start trying to find a gym or something. I WILL get down to 350 by the end of the year, and I WILL get down to 300 before I turn 27 on June 18, 2012. No ands, ifs or buts about it. I WILL do this.

No more giving up because of a bad day. No more making excuses. Just, progress.

Just a reminder, I am not weighing in until the end of the month. A bad month of eating and I want to give myself a chance to make it right before I get on the scale. That way i can assume the worst and work towards the best, and not sit there obessing over the number as much.

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