Friday, January 6, 2012


Not sure why, but I'm having a really rough week.
The BF went home, I was sick, and today I have a migraine.

BF talked about weight loss, and pointed out just how much volume fat is. About the same as butter. Now, I know I should be looking and seeing "Holy Crap girl, you just lost the equivalent of 38 boxes of butter!"

But I'm just not feeling it. Instead, it's "Holy crap, you've lost 38 boxes of butter but nobody notices because you still have 212 boxes all over you"

I guess I'm having my doubts. I mean, yeah, my boyfriend is super supportive, but he's biased. Of course he's not going to tell me how fat and ugly I am. That would be detrimental to his own benefits of this relationship.

I'm not sure right now why I even started a blog. I mean, I thought it was to be accountable, except nobody reads this thing. So it's about the same as writing in a notebook. I'm not sure why I thought I could do the social thing, when really I'm kinda inept at entertaining people or socializing. Of all my failures, being an antisocial hermit is one thing I am awesome at.

I dunno, I guess I'm just lonely. My roommate is going to Hawaii for 2 weeks which means a house alone for 2 weeks. Which I should be excited for, but I'm not. Frankly, 2 weeks alone in an empty house kinda terrifies the crap out of me. I lived alone for about a year in my old apartment, and I had 3 locks on the door and slept with a sword, baseball bat, and a metal bullwhip next to my bed. Maybe I watch too much CSI.

I have a facebook, a twitter, a tumblr, a blogspot, a smartphone, and technically a myspace profile (even though I never go there anymore). Yet somehow, I feel lonelier than ever. When I was a teenager, I used stupid drama bullshit to get attention. Then, one day I decided to grow up, and that negative attention wasn't worth it. I thought it would make me a better person, make my life more fulfilling and healthy.

Somehow, I think 16 year old me is silently trolling this, laughing at me and telling me was a pathetic noob I am.

Sometimes, I think she might be right.


Denise said...

*HUGS* I am reading. I am just bad about commenting. I so totally understand what you are going through. I have not blogged in about 2 months. Have you linked/posted your journal to you facebook? When I do that my friends read, even if they do not join and follow the journal. I am on fb and other places as well if you ever want to chat.

David said...

Congrats on losing so much butter :D Don't worry about the antisocial hermit thing; you'll peek your head out of your shell when you're ready and I think you'll find the world is not too scary when you get to know it. And yes I read your blog too...if it was a journal, I wouldn't get to read I'd rather you have a blog...