Especially with scales...
So a few days after my last weigh in, I decided to check my weight again, and as I stepped on the scale I heard an sickening crunch noise, and saw that my weight came in at 15 pounds less than 3 days before. Needless to say, I decided it broke. So I invested in a new scale, with a 440 pound weight limit, a much clearer screen and a wider more stable glass and metal base, rather than plastic.
So the new scale put me at 10 pounds higher.
I'm taking the optimistic route here. I'm going to assume my highest weight was 10 pounds higher. I have definitely lost weight, so I'm assuming I have the same pounds lost. So my updated weigh in is:
Top weight: 395
Current Weight: 352.8
Total Lost so Far: 42.2
I'm hoping to lose this month, not gain, but I've been off to a bad start. Easter dinner is tasty, and I overindulged. Plus I got an Easter basket so I've had a habit of grazing.
I did however, purchase a fitbit. And I have to say, I LOVE it. I'm such a geek for numbers and pretty graphs and I've been interested in tracking my sleep since I had a bad habit of sleepwalking as a child. The first one I got was defective, but the customer service at fitbit was AMAZING and they got me a new one out right away, and told me to just recycle the broken one and keep the wristband and charger as an extra.
Well, good thing I did, because no sooner did I get my new fitbit, I accidentally set my laptop on top of the charger and melted it. So good thing I had a backup!
Blog i decided to start to write about my journey from a size 32 to a (hopefully) size 10
Thursday, April 12, 2012
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Big changes :)
So....tonight is the weigh in.
For the last 2 months I've been stuck at 347.
Tonight....342.8
Not nearly as much as I hoped, but at least I'm not stalled.
Life has been changing a lot. At the start of this month, David had a very important question for me.....it involved this:
Needless to say, I said yes :)
But it also means I have a lot of work to do....since I will NOT get married looking how I do now.
I bought a Fitbit, and was all excited to try it out.....and it ended up being defective. So now I have to wait a week for a replacement one :(
We're also going to be buying a house this summer.....so lots of life changes, although I couldn't be more excited :)
For the last 2 months I've been stuck at 347.
Tonight....342.8
Not nearly as much as I hoped, but at least I'm not stalled.
Life has been changing a lot. At the start of this month, David had a very important question for me.....it involved this:
Needless to say, I said yes :)
But it also means I have a lot of work to do....since I will NOT get married looking how I do now.
I bought a Fitbit, and was all excited to try it out.....and it ended up being defective. So now I have to wait a week for a replacement one :(
We're also going to be buying a house this summer.....so lots of life changes, although I couldn't be more excited :)
Thursday, March 1, 2012
Updates
Sorry I havent posted an update in 2 months. Reason being is there is no updates.
Just weighed in for February. 347. Still. WTH?!
2 months I've been stuck at this number. I have been eating ok, in fact, I actually got my wisdom teeth removed 2 weeks ago so I hardly ate anything for like a week. I just don't get it.
I have 4 months to lose 47 pounds to meet my birthday goal. And I'm terrified there is no freaken way I'm going to be able to do it.
Failure. It's a crippling thing.
But I'm just going to try. Once weather warms up I can really kick things up. Or I can just say the hell with it and sign up for a gym membership already. I dunno. Thing is, I might be moving in a few months to live with my boyfriend (finally!) so a membership seems kinda silly.
I'm trying not to think about it tonight. Going to distract my mind.
Just weighed in for February. 347. Still. WTH?!
2 months I've been stuck at this number. I have been eating ok, in fact, I actually got my wisdom teeth removed 2 weeks ago so I hardly ate anything for like a week. I just don't get it.
I have 4 months to lose 47 pounds to meet my birthday goal. And I'm terrified there is no freaken way I'm going to be able to do it.
Failure. It's a crippling thing.
But I'm just going to try. Once weather warms up I can really kick things up. Or I can just say the hell with it and sign up for a gym membership already. I dunno. Thing is, I might be moving in a few months to live with my boyfriend (finally!) so a membership seems kinda silly.
I'm trying not to think about it tonight. Going to distract my mind.
Friday, January 6, 2012
Lonliness
Not sure why, but I'm having a really rough week.
The BF went home, I was sick, and today I have a migraine.
BF talked about weight loss, and pointed out just how much volume fat is. About the same as butter. Now, I know I should be looking and seeing "Holy Crap girl, you just lost the equivalent of 38 boxes of butter!"
But I'm just not feeling it. Instead, it's "Holy crap, you've lost 38 boxes of butter but nobody notices because you still have 212 boxes all over you"
I guess I'm having my doubts. I mean, yeah, my boyfriend is super supportive, but he's biased. Of course he's not going to tell me how fat and ugly I am. That would be detrimental to his own benefits of this relationship.
I'm not sure right now why I even started a blog. I mean, I thought it was to be accountable, except nobody reads this thing. So it's about the same as writing in a notebook. I'm not sure why I thought I could do the social thing, when really I'm kinda inept at entertaining people or socializing. Of all my failures, being an antisocial hermit is one thing I am awesome at.
I dunno, I guess I'm just lonely. My roommate is going to Hawaii for 2 weeks which means a house alone for 2 weeks. Which I should be excited for, but I'm not. Frankly, 2 weeks alone in an empty house kinda terrifies the crap out of me. I lived alone for about a year in my old apartment, and I had 3 locks on the door and slept with a sword, baseball bat, and a metal bullwhip next to my bed. Maybe I watch too much CSI.
I have a facebook, a twitter, a tumblr, a blogspot, a smartphone, and technically a myspace profile (even though I never go there anymore). Yet somehow, I feel lonelier than ever. When I was a teenager, I used stupid drama bullshit to get attention. Then, one day I decided to grow up, and that negative attention wasn't worth it. I thought it would make me a better person, make my life more fulfilling and healthy.
Somehow, I think 16 year old me is silently trolling this, laughing at me and telling me was a pathetic noob I am.
Sometimes, I think she might be right.
The BF went home, I was sick, and today I have a migraine.
BF talked about weight loss, and pointed out just how much volume fat is. About the same as butter. Now, I know I should be looking and seeing "Holy Crap girl, you just lost the equivalent of 38 boxes of butter!"
But I'm just not feeling it. Instead, it's "Holy crap, you've lost 38 boxes of butter but nobody notices because you still have 212 boxes all over you"
I guess I'm having my doubts. I mean, yeah, my boyfriend is super supportive, but he's biased. Of course he's not going to tell me how fat and ugly I am. That would be detrimental to his own benefits of this relationship.
I'm not sure right now why I even started a blog. I mean, I thought it was to be accountable, except nobody reads this thing. So it's about the same as writing in a notebook. I'm not sure why I thought I could do the social thing, when really I'm kinda inept at entertaining people or socializing. Of all my failures, being an antisocial hermit is one thing I am awesome at.
I dunno, I guess I'm just lonely. My roommate is going to Hawaii for 2 weeks which means a house alone for 2 weeks. Which I should be excited for, but I'm not. Frankly, 2 weeks alone in an empty house kinda terrifies the crap out of me. I lived alone for about a year in my old apartment, and I had 3 locks on the door and slept with a sword, baseball bat, and a metal bullwhip next to my bed. Maybe I watch too much CSI.
I have a facebook, a twitter, a tumblr, a blogspot, a smartphone, and technically a myspace profile (even though I never go there anymore). Yet somehow, I feel lonelier than ever. When I was a teenager, I used stupid drama bullshit to get attention. Then, one day I decided to grow up, and that negative attention wasn't worth it. I thought it would make me a better person, make my life more fulfilling and healthy.
Somehow, I think 16 year old me is silently trolling this, laughing at me and telling me was a pathetic noob I am.
Sometimes, I think she might be right.
Sunday, January 1, 2012
I'm Back!
Ok, so Tumblr wasn't much better to me, so I'm coming back here.
Quick updates on my last weigh ins...
(My Year End goal was 350.....then next goal is 300 by June 18th, my 27th B-day)
October- 353.8
November- 348.6 (Woo year end goal met)
December..........347!
SO proud of myself for not gaining weigh in December during the holidays!
to recop my life over the last few months...
Needless to say the end of the year sucked. That job as a Call Center Trainer, a career I worked hard and dreamt of? Yeah, the company decided it was no longer a position they needed, and that supervisors could train for us. So we all got fired.
However, I was lucky in that my ex-supervisor really wanted me on her team, so she offered me a position as a Team Leader. And I do the training. So same job, but with some extra responsibilities stacked on. Oh, and a huge fricken pay cut.
Not mad at my new team though. It’s a good team. I had the offer to walk away with a crappy severance, but I decided to just stick it out. I’m a firm believer of everything happening for a reason. That, and I truly do love my coworkers. Sure there are the petty backstabby office politico ones, but for the most part they are really cool people, and fun to work with. They have been amazing with welcoming me to the team and it's nice to have people see me and express how happy they are to see me back here and how much they appreciate having me on the team.
Yes, yes, in this economy I know I should be thankful I had a choice. And I am, trust me I am. However, I still have a right to be bitter and angry and pissed off. I don’t take it out on my team, and I know my anger is directed towards a bunch of high paid suits who don’t know who I am and don’t give a shit about me. But it’s the stages of grief I guess. It’s hard to walk past the empty desks of my former team. It’s hard to sit there and do the same thing I loved but for less pay and even more work to do, and a lot less freedom to do things on my own. It’s an adjustment. I’ll live, and I’ll grow and I’ll learn things.
BUT, I didn’t binge eat. For me, thats a huge accomplishment.
I've pretty much adjusted. I had a 10 day vacation this last week and I go back to work tomorrow. My last class was finished the last day before vacation so this is my first official day as just a Team Lead. I'm a little scared to be honest.
My boyfriend passed his graduate classes with straight AB's all the way which I am SO proud of him for. For any of you not familiar with a PhD program, it's like regular college classes except a LOT harder, and you need a solid B to pass. Anything less that a B is failure. Also you have to juggle research and everything on top of the classes. He got off to a tough start, getting a few BC's in classes which really hurt his moral so for him to finish with AB's across the board is really a huge accomplishment, and I admire him greatly for his perseverance. However, he put on like 20 lbs so we've resolved to do this journey together, despite the long distance. It's comforting to know once we can live together again that we will be in this together.
Quick updates on my last weigh ins...
(My Year End goal was 350.....then next goal is 300 by June 18th, my 27th B-day)
October- 353.8
November- 348.6 (Woo year end goal met)
December..........347!
SO proud of myself for not gaining weigh in December during the holidays!
to recop my life over the last few months...
Needless to say the end of the year sucked. That job as a Call Center Trainer, a career I worked hard and dreamt of? Yeah, the company decided it was no longer a position they needed, and that supervisors could train for us. So we all got fired.
However, I was lucky in that my ex-supervisor really wanted me on her team, so she offered me a position as a Team Leader. And I do the training. So same job, but with some extra responsibilities stacked on. Oh, and a huge fricken pay cut.
Not mad at my new team though. It’s a good team. I had the offer to walk away with a crappy severance, but I decided to just stick it out. I’m a firm believer of everything happening for a reason. That, and I truly do love my coworkers. Sure there are the petty backstabby office politico ones, but for the most part they are really cool people, and fun to work with. They have been amazing with welcoming me to the team and it's nice to have people see me and express how happy they are to see me back here and how much they appreciate having me on the team.
Yes, yes, in this economy I know I should be thankful I had a choice. And I am, trust me I am. However, I still have a right to be bitter and angry and pissed off. I don’t take it out on my team, and I know my anger is directed towards a bunch of high paid suits who don’t know who I am and don’t give a shit about me. But it’s the stages of grief I guess. It’s hard to walk past the empty desks of my former team. It’s hard to sit there and do the same thing I loved but for less pay and even more work to do, and a lot less freedom to do things on my own. It’s an adjustment. I’ll live, and I’ll grow and I’ll learn things.
BUT, I didn’t binge eat. For me, thats a huge accomplishment.
I've pretty much adjusted. I had a 10 day vacation this last week and I go back to work tomorrow. My last class was finished the last day before vacation so this is my first official day as just a Team Lead. I'm a little scared to be honest.
My boyfriend passed his graduate classes with straight AB's all the way which I am SO proud of him for. For any of you not familiar with a PhD program, it's like regular college classes except a LOT harder, and you need a solid B to pass. Anything less that a B is failure. Also you have to juggle research and everything on top of the classes. He got off to a tough start, getting a few BC's in classes which really hurt his moral so for him to finish with AB's across the board is really a huge accomplishment, and I admire him greatly for his perseverance. However, he put on like 20 lbs so we've resolved to do this journey together, despite the long distance. It's comforting to know once we can live together again that we will be in this together.
Saturday, October 1, 2011
I've moved!!!
So, I've been having issues with the user friendlyness of blogspot, so I am trying out tumblr. You can now find me at http://tobakett.tumblr.com/
Monday, September 5, 2011
It gets better
Well, I am back home from a wonderful weekend with the boyfriend.
My last post, well.......it wasn't a good time.
Long story short, I had to sit next to a woman on the bus who made a very loud and rude show of how disgusted she was to sit next to me. I literally was sitting on the edge of the seat, mostly in the aisle to avoid touching her since I wanted to be polite as possible, but whenever someone had to come down the aisle to use the restroom she made gagging noises or other rude comments (such as "the world would be a better place if more people would just try anorexia")
After a few hours of this, and feeling alone and miserable and hating myself, I decided to go back over some of my past blog posts and look at the comments. I went to facebook and looked at some messages friends left me, and even a work email where my supervisor was praising my hard work and how glad she was to have me on her team. And it made all the difference.
I know I have mentioned this in passing before, but I have suffered from severe depression for 17 years. For those doing the math, that means it started when I was just 9. I'm actually quite proud of myself, because in the last month this was the second terribly cruel thing someone had said to me that I bounced back from, and stopped myself from going back to a very dark place that I don't wish to see again.
It gets better.
I HATED when therepists told me that.....because it never seemed to. However, I think it's because I assumed they meant people around me would get better.
They don't. Cruel people will always be cruel people. But your mindset gets better.
My journey speaks louder that their cruel words. The fact that they would put so much effort into making someone hate themselves shows how miserable they must be. Really, I just feel bad for them, and I hope things get better for them.
Someone sitting next to me may see me just as a fatass who can't control herself.
Hell, I have had coworkers and other acquaintances even made that assumption of me. But, if had just cried about it then nothing would have changed.
A stranger won't know how much effort and lifestyle changes I have made, or how much weight I have lost, just as I don't know anything about their life. I can't control their opinion, but I can control my own mindset.
For people who I encounter on a regular basis....all I can do is prove them wrong. Eventually they will come around, and I will earn the apology I get. And in the end, I am the stronger person, and they will have hopefully learned a lesson. And even if they don't, I know my own strength and my own achievements, so, the hell with what they think.
"It's not the destination that changes your life, it's the journey that takes you there"
That is so true. If I woke up tomorrow a size 6 I would be elated (and very poor as I bought a new wardrobe) but it wouldn't last. In fact, I would probably be more miserable as I put the weight on again. It's the journey...the lessons I learn, the inner strength I find, and hopefully the friends I will make that will change my life. The destination will just be the perk at the finish line.
My last post, well.......it wasn't a good time.
Long story short, I had to sit next to a woman on the bus who made a very loud and rude show of how disgusted she was to sit next to me. I literally was sitting on the edge of the seat, mostly in the aisle to avoid touching her since I wanted to be polite as possible, but whenever someone had to come down the aisle to use the restroom she made gagging noises or other rude comments (such as "the world would be a better place if more people would just try anorexia")
After a few hours of this, and feeling alone and miserable and hating myself, I decided to go back over some of my past blog posts and look at the comments. I went to facebook and looked at some messages friends left me, and even a work email where my supervisor was praising my hard work and how glad she was to have me on her team. And it made all the difference.
I know I have mentioned this in passing before, but I have suffered from severe depression for 17 years. For those doing the math, that means it started when I was just 9. I'm actually quite proud of myself, because in the last month this was the second terribly cruel thing someone had said to me that I bounced back from, and stopped myself from going back to a very dark place that I don't wish to see again.
It gets better.
I HATED when therepists told me that.....because it never seemed to. However, I think it's because I assumed they meant people around me would get better.
They don't. Cruel people will always be cruel people. But your mindset gets better.
My journey speaks louder that their cruel words. The fact that they would put so much effort into making someone hate themselves shows how miserable they must be. Really, I just feel bad for them, and I hope things get better for them.
Someone sitting next to me may see me just as a fatass who can't control herself.
Hell, I have had coworkers and other acquaintances even made that assumption of me. But, if had just cried about it then nothing would have changed.
A stranger won't know how much effort and lifestyle changes I have made, or how much weight I have lost, just as I don't know anything about their life. I can't control their opinion, but I can control my own mindset.
For people who I encounter on a regular basis....all I can do is prove them wrong. Eventually they will come around, and I will earn the apology I get. And in the end, I am the stronger person, and they will have hopefully learned a lesson. And even if they don't, I know my own strength and my own achievements, so, the hell with what they think.
"It's not the destination that changes your life, it's the journey that takes you there"
That is so true. If I woke up tomorrow a size 6 I would be elated (and very poor as I bought a new wardrobe) but it wouldn't last. In fact, I would probably be more miserable as I put the weight on again. It's the journey...the lessons I learn, the inner strength I find, and hopefully the friends I will make that will change my life. The destination will just be the perk at the finish line.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)