Off day/week/year/life

So I got to looking at the calander and realized I'm going to be 26 soon. Which is hard for me. I know this is stupid and silly, and I'm so young and blah blah blah....but when I was young, I was bullied. Really bad. Like, beat up, hair cut, kids glued me to the chair, told me my dead pets were ground up in the school lunch, and called every single metaphor for fat and nerdy that 7-13 year olds can come up with. I always told myself that when I was 25, my life was going to be so different, and that everything was going to be great.

I don't know why I chose 25. I didnt have any family members at that age, it just seemed right. I told myself that by then I'd be an animal trainer and a wonderful wife and a great mommy and I'd have an awesome house and an african grey parrot. Oh, and I'd be beautiful and skinny and have really pretty long hair. So in short, this is what 13 year old me saw as "25" (please note my seriously overactive imagination)



Instead, this is what 25 really looks like:



I don't know why, but it's just seriously messing with my head. Like, my 13 year old self was just look at me and be like "OMG WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU, YOU'VE RUINED EVERYTHING!!!!!!"

Ok, so probably not. 13 year old me would never say to my face, she'd just write depressing emo poetry. So it would be more like:

I see the pages of tomorrow
and she's stolen away from me
So many things so beautiful
until she wrecked my dream

Oh yeah, I still got it. Haha. Anymoot. So i dunno, just feeling down. Feel like nothing is every going to change. I'm sure in a day or two the funk will fade. Started when I was reading about Six Flags. And just realized how much I miss things like roller coasters and not being afraid of not fitting on a ride. Miss canoeing so bad I just break into tears thinking about it.

Yeah, I know, it took a long time to get this way and it will take a long time to fix. But today, I just look at the long road and feel so helpless. I know, I've got a lot of things to be thankful for, I'm not that much of an emo conceited you-know-what. I have a good job, despite only having a high school diploma. I have an amazing boyfriend. I've been there for a lot of friends and I'm reliable.

But reliable doesn't make me look good in shorts and a tank top. And today, I'm feeling kinda petty. It'll pass, I know...just felt like writing it out, maybe reading my own words will snap me out of it, I dunno.

Oh, 379.4 today. Down a little, but not really. The gym near my house with the pool is now closed due to construction so I'm trying to find another reliable place to swim that I would actually go to and that works with my hours, so hopefully that will be productive. We'll see.

Totally not weight related but.....

I've decided when I have a home of my own again, I am going to spend a LOT of money at Hirst Arts. This is why:

http://www.hirstarts.com/gallery/gallery.html

I just had a geekgasm. Also a creaftgasm. And of course, I'm about to head out the door to go do my weekly D&D game, so these gasms are not going to subside. GAH!!!!!!!!!

Also, my sweetie is on blogger now....Omnigamer. It's a blog all about geeky stuff, particularly D&D.

Anymoot, gotta run! Hopefully a more substantial post tonight....maybe..

Weigh In

So, I decided to just say forget it and weight myself. 380.4. WTF? That's the exact weight I was at the end of January.

I suppose I should be happy, as crazy and unhealthy as my life turned after dad got sick, that I haven't gained weight. Ugh.

*sigh* tommorrow is another day. Wish the weather would warm up a little.

I know there are a zillion things I need to do, but I just feel so discouraged all of the time. All I ever do is fail myself, and it's hard to break that mentality.

For now, I think I just need to drink a bunch of water and sleep. Maybe that will make me feel better.

New Layout

So I decided to pay with layouts, what do ya think?

Figured the all black was getting kind emo-ish.

Had a salad for lunch. Then chocolate cake. Better than pizza and cake though, amiright?

Not much to report. Body is trying to kill me. Really wish biology would set up monthly email notifications on fertility. Because really, this whole bleeding crap is really stone age. I mean, geebus, get with the times science!!!!!

Yeah, not in the best of moods. But I'm watching tangled, and it's really cute. And I have two adorable babies snuggling with me <3

Ah Storms...

So, I apologize in advance, but this is going to be my first attempt at adding pictures on my blog, so I hope it doesn't get all crazy....

So we had storms today. Big time. And it hailed, which was pretty cool.

Funny thing is, I have two adorable kitties (and my roomate has 3 but that's a story for another time) Here they are:



The stripey one is Gizmo, who is my nearly 4 year old boy. He's a loveable snuggly teddybear who thinks he is a dog.

The white and black kitty is Widget, who is 2.5 years old and my little baby girl. She is terrified of thunderstorms, to the point of it being pathetically adorable. See exhibit a:



This is the point where she was just hiding behind the bathroom door. That opens inwards. She's cute, but not very bright.

Then of course she sees me, which leads to exhibit b, as I am trying to use my laptop:



Finally, we come to an agreement, and I make her a hidey hole under a towel:



I love her, but I can not figure out what led to this terror. When it was just me and the boyfriend, she was fine in our apartment with storms. Upon him moving to Michigan for grad school and me moving in with my mom's best friend (and current roommate) she became terrified. Maybe it's just a missing daddy issue, I don't know. Someday I will have to get video of her, because she runs in a hilarious fashion and she drools like a puppy. Like I said, it's adorable in a completely pathetic way.

I still havent gotten on the scale again. I think I am going to wait like a week. And try to be really good this week, so hopefully the damage won't be as bad as I fear. I was going to just use my webcam and take a picture, but I feel icky today, so instead I'm going to post a different picture. (warning ahead of time, I am terribly guilty of myspace angles. I know I have double chins, but for some reason i still have this psycho obsession with trying to hide that obvious fact...though I have gotten a little better about it...)




Ok, so this is cheating. This is me, but it was an awesome photo done by my very talented photogrpher friend TJ, of Pendragon Photography. Feel free to google him, though some of his works are a little, aheam, riskque. He does a lot of awesome fantasy inspired work too, but I adore this man. First time he took a picture of me was this photo here and when he emailed it to me I was like....."Oh my god, TJ, you have got to be f*&ken kidding me....this isn't me!!!" He's taken a few other photos of me, that maybe when I have a bit more courage I'll post, but I figured I should put some sort of face to the name and hey, might as well make the best first impression I can, lol.

Anyway, I should probebly get going. Start training a new class tommorrow so I want to get good sleep and get myself all psyched up. Plus, the little pathetic furball I have probebly wants to hide and Gizmo is sitting in front of my laptop meowing at me, telling me "mooooooooooooommmmmmm, it's bedddttiiiiiiiime.....what the helllllllllllll?"

Random Musings

So, in the effort to really try blogging and sticking to it (don't feel bad, my diary is just as jumpy with dates, ha) I figure I'm going to try talking about things other then weight loss, who I am not on speaking terms with at the moment since weight loss is a cruel mistress that plots to keep me away from delicious girl scout crack. I mean, cookies. Nope, I was probably right the first time.

Anymoot, so....me...other than my weight.

Kind of odd, to think of myself without that in the picture.

So what do I do? Well, I work in a call center for company called FIS. I started out there doing very much entry level simple calls, moved up into a floor support role, moved up as a regular agent in a more advanced department, moved up to floor support there (and also cross trained and helped in 3 other departments) and now recently was accepted as a trainer intern for training our new agents. Today marked the end of my first official class. And it was weird, because I felt this odd sense of proudness for them. I mean, I know as an agent I helped our customers and that important, but all in all, a customer service rep doesn't do much to change a life. This...it's weird to think I may have been the first step towards a long and successful career for someone. And it's an amazingly rewarding feeling. Granted, I think I have gotten more of a workout at work in the last week then I have of my four years total at FIS, but it's a good kind of exhausted, so I guess I'm kinda proud of myself today for that.

Outside of work, I love gaming. I am a HUGE geek (no pun intended) (ok maybe a little one) I love gaming in all sorts of forms, whether its computer, tabletop, Magic: the Gathering, video gaming, arcade games or LARPing. It also feeds another addiction of mine...crafty stuff.

I LOVE crafts. I love creating. I used to run a small business doing chainmaille armor jewelry and toys. Not like chain letters, like the rings woven together to make armor back in medieval times. I also paint miniatures for gaming. Growing up, I was fortunate enough to have a mother addicted to crafting, so I started young. Even though right now I'm living in a bedroom the size of most small dorm rooms, I still manage to have a room overflowing with projects I never get to finish. Maybe I should make a goal of getting some of these projects finished. Its not for a lack of want, it's moreso a lack of time and space.

I also love the outdoors. At one point I drive for an hour and a half outside of Milwaukee to go camping for one night, just to have to come back the next afternoon as I had work early the next day. But it was totally worth it. I miss canoeing, and it's hard because my awesome boyfriend has a very well off father who loves canoeing and he has some BEAUTIFUL canoes.....but they are high quality, which means they have rather low weight limits. Someday though, someday...

I love renaissance faires, and am fortunate enough that the Bristol Renaissance Faire is not too far from Milwaukee, in good old Kenosha. I love corsets, but with my proportions they look kinda bad since my stomach kinda kills most of the chest amperage goodness. When I was a kid, I wanted to be a jouster.

I also love animals. If I'm going to blog a lot more you are probably going to hear endless stories of my two kitties, who are like kids to me, Gizmo and Widget. I actually have a very old youtube channel with some videos of Gizmo when he was a baby and my old cat Jynx....pretty terrible quality, but fun. I'm hoping to do more videos...just not with me in them, lol.

So yeah, in a nutshell I guess that's me. Hopefully I will post more. Maybe even take some inspiration from my good friend Zuko (her blog, Zooskie is in my list to the left) and make some pictures. Though, drawing is not my strong suit, my trainees have informed me I make some awesome stick figure art :)

~Kett

See....the thing is.....um.......wakka flakka?

So, I'm not very good with blogs. Not very good with weight loss either. But, I am AWESOME at procrastinating, haha.

So, my dad FINALLY came home from the hospital, and is doing phenomenally. Got a training position internship at work, which although I am terrified of public speaking, I am finding I feel a lot better about myself.

Still haven't joined a gym. Mostly, lack of motivation, and my own stubbornness knowing I'll be too chicken shit to go to a gym with all the skinny pretty girls and all the hot buff guys who might look upon me and throw up a little. Yeah, I'm also pretty good with my imagination too....

I haven't weighed myself, and seeing as I am visiting my bf in Illinois tomorrow, I don't think I'm going to, because I doubt I have lost anything, and don't feel like starting the weekend on a down note.

I've been thinking a lot about food lately and diets. Yes, I could go an list all these foods I'm allowed and not allowed, but I have always told myself I never want to be the sterotypical girl who goes out for dinner and gets water and a salad. I'm a carnivore, taters and veggie kinda girl. Salad is not dinner. Maybe lunch if I'm feeling particularly vengeful towards vegetables that afternoon. But not dinner. As a dinner side, sure.

Plus, I hate lettuce. Seriously, its just so.........iiiick to me. I tolerate it, for the other tasty things in salads. Like cucumbers and mushrooms.

I'm not even sure what point I'm trying to make here. Anyways, I think my brain is fried from teaching today, so I'm gonna go. Just wanted to check in an let any visitors know I'm still alive and very buoyant still. Seeya!